


“Eat all the lost sorrows in the morning”

by Pixielou_x



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Eating Disorder, Infidelity, M/M, MIGHT BE TRIGGERING, could be a second part idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2018-01-02 14:14:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixielou_x/pseuds/Pixielou_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts when It's cold and ends when they both have had enough. </p><p>"Dew stars in still water<br/>Don't stop in still water</p><p>Don't you know that fires<br/>Eat all the lost sorrows in the morning"</p>
            </blockquote>





	“Eat all the lost sorrows in the morning”

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhh. I haven't posted anything in like a couple of months...
> 
> Well this has been sitting in my drafts for a while now, and I was going to write more, but I feel like I could write a second part If you guys wanted one. (LET ME KNOW) 
> 
> It's just a thing to get me back into writing xx ❀◕ ‿ ◕❀ 
> 
> Song title taken from: "Jónsi – Stars In Still Water"

 

 

 

  _"This happens. whenever you break me open. This happens"_

_\- Della Hicks- Wilson_

 

## ❄

He breathe’s in the nights air. The smell of coffee and winter lingering in the night. It takes Harry by storm and the cold swirls around his body, whispering frozen meanings in his ears.

He’s there and this boy is sunshine and sugar. His name is Louis and Harry’s more than in love with him. He’d catch the moon and give it to Louis, he’d rip his beating heart out of his chest; ‘Take it my love and in return, love me like there’s no more tomorrows’.

So, Louis loves Harry like there’s no more tomorrows, he loves him in all the right ways. He cuddles him too close sometimes and kisses him to fast. But there’s a string and Louis has it on his finger, tied in a neat bow, there’s Harry’s finger and it’s attached to the same string. Louis whispers sweets and soulmate words into Harry’s ear. His kisses with time and it burns Harry like the sun. He tugs on that string and it makes the blood rush to Harry’s pale, wintry finger. Louis kisses it and says, “Soulmate, love”.

Tied together with red string of fate, and two cold boys are falling like rain.

## ❄ 

“Do you think I could dye my hair blonde, haz?” Louis’ laying bare, the cold pricking his skin like needles. His head rests in Harry’s warm lap, and Harry runs his fingers thru Louis’ hair and contemplates.

“Like, would it suit me?” and Louis always asks these ridiculous questions, he picks a time and Harry remerizes it like his childhood memories. It’s either late at night or early in the morning and the words pour out of Louis’ mouth like vomit. Ironic

Sometimes Harry doesn’t answer and sometimes Louis’ stupid. 

## ❄

“You need to stop doing that?” Harry presses the words into Louis’ skin. They always run, and run over this so many times and it’s too tiring to finish.

“Stop doing what, dear harold?” and Louis smiles, Harry just wishes he could slap it off his face. It’s not fair he does this, makes it into a joke and expects him to laugh like it’s just air. It’s not just fucking air, god, it’s not; It’s life and it’s death, it matters.

“You know what,” Harry’s tone is bitter and Louis swallows loud. The only time he’ll swallow, Harry thinks.

So, they sit there, it’s a routine, really. Harry will eat and Louis won’t. Harry will get angry at Louis for not eating and Louis will sit there and just stare. It’s happened to many times before and it’s the same, like baseball.

_1, 2, 3, strikes._

_you’re out._

❄ 

“I feel like I’m going to break you Lou, just get on top” and sex is always the difficult thing. It hurts Harry to see Louis bare and vulnerable body, under the moons light. Skin and bones. Except, Louis personality is the size of the universe and he’s the size of a twig.

It’s not fair really, it sucks and it makes for awkward conversations and holiday dinners.

So, Louis rides Harry and Harry grabs on to his to thin hips. Sometimes Harry has to close his eyes and picture when Louis was healthy and shiny like gold. This is not Louis, so he’s cheating and this body on top of his moaning and whimpering.

When Harry comes, it taste and feels like gunpowder, he spits it out and sleeps with open eyes.

“I love you, Haz. I’’m gonna get better, you’ll see” and Harry wants to cry and scream.

_Why. Why. Why, did this bright fucking star burnout? When did the fire in the boy he loves so much go out? WHEN? Did he not love him enough? did he put it out?_

## ❄

_‘ He’s the taste of sunday breakfast. He’s the taste you feel after everything you’ve eaten; good or bad. Maybe you shouldn't throw it up._

_He’s always telling you to, “Keep your food down”._

_“Be a good boy and eat this,” doesn’t he know you’re fucking full? So, you ignore impulses. You ignore that beating heart next to yours. ‘_

 

Harry closes Louis’ journal and sits back on the bed, letting the comfort of the sheets swallow him up. That day he cries harder and tries to understand for both of their sakes.

## ❄

Harry can remember the times when Louis wasn’t sick. He can trace the upper part of mouth with his tongue and taste the feeling of jelly beans.

It was a moment and it lasted for an hour and he felt superior. So, in love with boy who wore stars in his hair, from swimming too much in space. 

## ❄

“Okay. Okay. I get it but David beckham is Hotter than Colin Farrell” and that has Harry in a fit of gasps and chucking jelly beans at Louis across the bed.

Louis’ smiling and laughing loud. He’s swallowing the sun everyday, that’s why he glows all the time.

Harry tackles Louis and tickles him till he promises to take it back.

“Okay Haz, I take it back. You’re way hotter than both of them anyways.” Harry rolls his eyes and kisses Louis.

Kisses him, and loves him in all the right places. Harry bites Louis’ bottom lip and soothes it with his tongue afterwards. Louis kisses harder and smiles into the kiss, he’s sunshine.

“I want to write about you till my fingers bleed” and all Harry can do is smile and nose along Louis’ jaw, popping three or four jellybeans in his mouth along the way. Humming once he’s swallowed, Louis’ way sweeter tho.

Times like these, Louis will come up with the sweetest and loveliest poems on the spot for Harry. It makes him smile and he loves the way Louis voice his bare and scratchy. So, he listens,

“I met a boy, and he took my heart. I didn’t ask for it back. it’s rude right? So, I wait months and months and he still has it. I don’t dare to ask for it back now.

He tells me he has it safe keepings. Like, in a treasure chest or a lock box with letters all over it. He tells me I have his too. But, I don’t ever remember taking it, momma always taught me to ask before taking things. So, this boy says I have it and I better have it somewhere safe.

He keeps mine in a box and I keep his in my chest.”

Harry lets his eyes close and wonder, he does have Louis’ heart. It’s safe, no worries. Louis’ voice is dry and he could use some water, but the way it scratches after a word falls out is beauty within  itself. Better than music.

“My boy”.. Harry smiles so wide, this is his favorite one. “My boy, likes to swim in the galaxies, he wonders and explores. When he comes down, I brush the stars out of this hair. I tell him to wear a hat. But, you know My boy doesn’t listen.

I collect these stars and line them up across the shelf. And when he gives me kisses they glow brighter as our lips touch. My boy, is the cure to cancer, I know he is. That smile can heal the sickest and cruelest people.

He swims in space and comes down to give me star shaped kisses on my neck. I poke his nose and he does a dance. My boy, smiles too big and hugs too tight, but I love him more than starry nights.”

and Harry is sure that Louis is sweeter than the aftertaste of jelly beans lingering in his mouth right now.

But, that was a time when things were amazing and it’s different now; So, so different.

## ❄

“I can’t do this anymore,” it’s when those words come out of Harry’s mouth that Louis cries harder than he ever has. He knows this can’t be fair on Harry, but he has his heart.

“I-I’m trying Haz” and he needs to try harder, Louis thinks. He needs to push the weight of a thousand men, and carry the deed.

“I want to believe you are Lou, but I can’t see you destroying yourself anymore.” and Louis doesn’t know what to say, nothing can make this right.

_‘  It’s how it always goes, you know? You ask him if he needs help and he denies. But, oh my, when he addresses that he does need it, it’s plain sugar. He’s not willing to a fucking thing about it._

_You’ve read his to many times my love. ‘_

## ❄

Harry sits there, he runs things over in his head, he types it out and forgets to erase it. Maybe this is a mistake, but with everyone crowding in 10 chairs around this suffocating room, Harry knows he’s in.

Louis will be so mad, so, so, angry. Harry could honestly care less, it’s past the point of making Louis mad anymore. So, when Louis walks in and catches on, Harry knows it all.

Harry walks up to Louis and takes his hand, “come on Lou, sit down”. It’s all too much, Louis’ family starring and their pleading, sad, pity eyes, it isn’t exactly right.

## ❄

“I can’t fucking believe you, you’re such a fucking prick,” and Harry holds the glass of vodka in his hands, he swishes it in his mouth, maybe that bridge sounds better with feet on it. So, he listens to Louis scream and vent. Harry saw this coming, the moment the door closed, and everyone said their goodbyes, and sent their prayers.

“I’m not on fucking drugs Harry, I don’t need a bloody, fucking intervention. I can’t believe you. You're a selfish twat” and I think it goes like that, and it goes around Harry’s head. It circles it and squeezes, dissolving tabs on his tongue. So, Harry stands up, the once glass in his hand is shattering against the wall.

“Just shut the fuck up. You need fucking help, and you can’t bloody see it. I’m not selfish, if you could see how wrong you are by saying that. I love you, and I’m doing this Louis, because I fucking love you,” Louis shuts up, and Harry clenches his fist. Vodka is running down the wall, police sirens are echoing off the walls, and the tears are falling down Louis’ cheeks.

When they hit the ground, it’s the loudest thing Harry has ever heard.

## ❄

“Remember when you used to write poems about me?” Harry lays next to Louis, curls fanned out softly on the pillow. He’s not facing Louis, their backs instead, facing each other.

“yes”

There’s really nothing to hold onto anymore, Louis stops writing, one of the many things he stops doing these days.

## ❄

_‘ Burn that photo of us on christmas eve. Burn that jacket you let me keep, because I always took it from you anyways. Burn all the empty canadian whiskey bottles laying under our bed. Burn all my poems I wrote about you. The one’s where i talk about how you looks so pretty when you laugh. Burn everything._

_Burn my body when I’m dead, or do it right now._

_Nothing feels as bad as I do for hurting you ‘_

## ❄

Kisses are rare.

I don’t think there’s a metaphor on how rare of an action it is between Louis and Harry. There’s infidelity kisses, but we all know they're the worst.

## ❄

It only happens four times, but what would you do? That’s not good enough excuse.

Harry cheats. Maybe if the alcohol wasn’t clouding and covering every part of his body, he’d feel bad when He’s fucking a random bloke into some ratty mattress.

Harry never lets him self stay there longer than it takes to put his clothes back on, he’s gone in a flash. He never kisses goodbye, never.

Four times too much, four times as many vodka shots were taken tonight.

It goes slow, and then it crashes, broken glass everywhere, broken hearts shattering.

## ❄

Louis eventually finds out, it goes a little like this.

“you’re cheating”

“yeah”

there’s no expression on either of their faces. Blank as a sheet of paper. Clear as water.

_‘ I’m not sorry tho. I broke you, i fucking shattered you. But you broke me, i cowered away, like a bitch running away with it’s tail between it’s legs._

_It’s mutual, you know? the brokenness. I tried but you’re too fucked up._

_I’m numb everywhere. You let me reiterate, like I let you sit there and rot like the food you never ate. It’s a holy world, but fucked up. Like you. ‘_

“I need help and you’re killing me” Louis finally moves and looks into Harry’s eyes. Maybe he feels bad, because he can see Louis naked thru eyes.

Eyes to eyes.

“I tried. sorry. I guess” Louis nods weakly, letting the tears roll down his cheek, lets them roll like the good times. The times where there wasn’t any cheating and people weren’t broken. 

## ❄

Their invading each other's spaces. Closing in, and lips are touching.

Louis knots his hands into Harry’s hair, and Harry ever so carefully lifts Louis to his lap. It’s gotten to the point where he’s a feather to lift.

His kiss feels a whole lot like “sorry”. Thats it. They’re pressing apologies into lips, it’s better than words. They hold on to something thats not there. It banishes when their clothes are strewn across the floor, and the only light that occupies the room is the one from outside. It bleeds thru the curtains like blood stains.

I don’t think you can call it making love anymore, at least between them. It’s scratches, bites, filthy moans. It’s sin.

It gets under your fingernails like dirt. It gets in your head like voices. No. Like the song, you know, that song.

The one where Louis plays it to Harry, he whispers it into his lips.

So, when it’s over, there’s words that need to be said. “I’m leaving tomorrow. For rehab” he’s sat in Harry’s lap, and his voice is shakey. Harry rests his hands on Louis’ hips, cringing at the feeling.

“Oh” and yeah that’s really is an oh. It’s also a holy fucking shit.

“Yeah, thought I should tell you i guess” Louis’ still has Harry’s dick in him and it’s starting to get uncomfortable, so he pulls off and re sits on Harry’s lap.

Harry’s still shocked and there’s too many things to process right now, it’s hell on wheels.

“I’m sorry and I love you so much” Louis shouldn't say that, it’s forbidden fruit.

Harry breaks. He falls forward onto Louis’ shoulder, and tears wrack thru his sweaty body.

It’s a rollercoaster babe, were riding one. Down, down, baby.

“I love you, and I think we need time apart, I’ll be gone for a year. That gives us both time to recover from this mess we caused” Louis smiles sad, he hates saying it like that. They created a beautiful, tragic mess.

Things aren’t meant to be glamorized tho. It’s not hollywood.

“Um, yeah. Okay, we can do that” Harry wipes the tears from his eyes and cheeks. Louis leans down and presses his lips to Harrys. It’s something nice, it feels like relief.

“This isn’t goodbye, this is a new beginning for both of us, my love. If we are to cross paths again, so be it” and Holding each other is the only thing that feels right at this moment.

Harry kisses goodbye into Louis’ skin.

 

 

 

_"We met at the wrong time. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. Maybe one day years from now, we’ll meet in a coffee shop in a far away city somewhere and we could give it another shot. So until then, I’ll just have to continue feeling this way everyday. Sad."_

_\- Enternal sunshine of the spotless mind_

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you liked it... Lots of love 
> 
> Kudos/comments are much appreciated 
> 
> Find me on tumblr: sugarcubelou ❀◕ ‿ ◕❀


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